Being real means being true to your own beliefs, thoughts and opinions and not the beliefs, thoughts and opinions of others.
Being real means telling 'your truth' to yourself rather than mentally parroting the truth of others. 'Your truth' will always make you feel good while the truth of others will not. If 'your truth' doesn't make you feel good, you are not telling your truth to yourself, you are lying to yourself. (For more in-depth information about lying to ourselves, click here.)
Being real means you don't feel bad because of other people's troubles and you don't do things for other people comes from feeling bad about their situation .What you do feel about their situation is love for them. And what you do see is if they were powerful enough to create the troubles they have by the choices they made, then they are powerful enough to make the choices they need to make to solve their problems for themselves.
When you believe people can't solve their own problems, you weakens them. Thinking people aren't capable of solving their own problems is an ego trip. An ego trip most commonly taken by parents whose children are having troubles. Parents take this ego trip out of guilt and blaming themselves for the troubles their children have.
If there is something you can do for people having troubles (family members, friends, strangers) coming from a 'feeling good state of mind' because you genuinely want to do it, and guilt is not part of the equation, by all means do it.
Being real means you do not allow yourself to get dragged into other people's soap operas. You no longer accept the false belief that you must feel bad for others when others feed bad. Feeling bad empowers no one, especially yourself.
Being real means you tell your ugly truth to yourself (things that upset you, piss you off or make you angry) as a way of releasing your 'ugly truth' from your mind so you can be as happy and carefree as you want to be.
Being real means admitting 'when you don't know what to do next' and instead of feeling bad about not knowing what to do next, you relax your mind instead and go play. As my friend Frederick Zappone says, 'In the spirit of play, life is easy'.
Being real means you accept the fact that all thoughts that make you feel good are from God (by whatever name you call God *) and the rest are not.
* Organizing Intelligence of the Universe, Infinite Mind, Universal Intelligence, etc)
SHARING : Share with me in the comment section when you know you are be-ing real and when you are not. You can post your comments anonymously if you wish.
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I just want to say thank you for posting this entry today. It's exactly what I needed to hear. My truth is that like most of us-I was raised in a dysfunctional family. In my family it was sort of accepted and expected that if one of us was suffering that we all had to suffer or we just weren't being 'loyal' or something. It just wasn't right for some of us to be happy when one of us was so very unhappy...... . As I've matured and begun to understand who I am, why I am, who I want to be I see this pattern. I've worked hard not to pass this on to my own family but have to admit that I've not always succeeded. I am more free of this style of stinkin' thinkin' than I've ever been but find that it's so much a part of who I was 'raised to be' that it sometimes comes back to me and I don't even realize that's what's happening. Naturally I still have family members who suffer-and when I hear their stories and their pain my heart actually hurts. I am now able to step back and feel what I'm feeling briefly and hand it back to them (emotionally) without feeling the need to suffer as long and as much as they do. My biggest problem is this; can I help these family members in any way other than just loving them? Is there a way to help them realize that they are 'doing this' to themselves, not the world doing this to them....? Or is this another thing that they have to take ownership of, figure out on their own......? Do I just love them and let this go.....? Why do I feel the need to 'fix'.....this actually aggravates me at myself.
ReplyDeleteI'd love your input......
Mrs. Me. Why do you feel the next to fix? I am pretty sure you know the answer to that. Give it a try..
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm not as 'evolved' as you assume I am.... My answer to your question is that I took this role on early in my life.....I understand that I can't fix...but I still 'feel' the need....ocassionally
ReplyDelete(sp? I can't 'fix' that either...LOL). Give me a hint....
From the article titled:
ReplyDeleteOvercoming the need to fix
What is the need to fix?
The need to fix is:
* compulsively driven behavior to rescue or help another person, place or thing to be the way you believe it "should be.''
* seeing another person, place or thing as "in need'' and the automatic response pattern to this message.
* belief that, unless everything is "just right'' for another person, then that person can never fully be happy in life.
* obsessive need to have every thing, person, and place "perfect'' or "correct'' in order for you to be comfortable enough to be relaxed and accepting of them.
* inability to accept people, places or things the way they are and the chronic attempt at changing them even if they are unchangeable.
* acting on the belief that you have more knowledge than others as to what is good for them so you strive to correct their thinking to "see the light'' in your way.
* inability to maintain emotional detachment from a person, place or thing that is hurting or in trouble. You proceed to fix them even if this means that they are hindered from personal growth and accepting personal responsibility for their own actions.
* inability to not give advice, suggestions or offers of help, even when you know in doing so that it will hinder another person's growth and personal mastery in life.
* interfering in business and personal affairs "to help'' people even when they haven't asked for your help or assistance.
* drive to feel "needed'' or "wanted'' which leads you to become overly involved and responsible in your relationships with persons, places and things.
* result of a pattern of getting approval and recognition from others for "helping'' in the past with the belief that this is the only way you can have meaning in life.
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14696-overcoming-the-need-to-fix/#ixzz1M4RTbrOE
P.S. The article is from the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Paste the link your browser window to read the complete article
ReplyDeleteOh I love that article and the entire website looks amazing...will spend some time digging around and reading and working to apply lots of helpful 'hints'. Thanks for sharing Jon....
ReplyDeleteContrary to what it may sound like in my response my need to fix comes from childhood programming and guilt. It will be almost unbelievable to think that I was much better at not fixing (hence letting my own children fall and work on their own muscle building skills) the ones I am closest to....but feel the 'need' relating to extended family......it's strange, illogical, irrational and I know it. And now I will stop resisting it, release it.....can't fix anyone but myself....;)
Thanks for this post. It's just one of those things we all know but should be reminded of from time to time.
ReplyDelete