Ex-Catholic - Public Confessor

There is something about growing up Catholic that makes me want to publicly confess every thought I think. I'm sure it has something to do with the brainwashing I received as a child about going to confession and not withholding even the slightest thought I might consider a sin.  As a result of growing up catholic and leaving the church, because too many of their beliefs were impossible for me to accept, I'm still influenced by there stinkin' thinkin' in ways that makes me feel guilty when there is nothing I should feel guilty about.

In order for my guilt about leaving the church not to eat at me any more than it does, I have chosen to become a public confessor. There is something about confessing my catholic sins publicly that lifts the guilt right off my shoulders. I am using this blog to publicly confess everything about my life and everything I know about life, most of which is okay with me but is contrary to the teaching of the Catholic Church.

Some of the stuff you read here will enlighten you or entertain you.  Some of  what I share with you may stun and shock you but not too much.. I haven't committed any of the really big sins in life  such as stealing, murdering, raping, plundering, etc. Oh but my little sins, like thinking very differently than the catholic church, sometimes does eat me alive.

Updated 5 hours later..

I am feeling guilty for posting this. I should delete it now. No don't delete it.
Yes, delete it, No! Yes! No! Yes! Hell no, I am not going to delete it.
This is my story and I am sticking to it.

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Not a Nice Guy, Not Any More...

The people in my life think I am one of the nicest people in the world.  I am definitely not nice. Yes, on the outside I can act like the nicest person you ever met but on the inside I don't feel very nice. In fact, most of the time I feel bad. I feel bad because I have spent so much of my life pretending to be what my domineering, controlling parents wanted me to be, perfect in all ways.

The sad part is I didn't realized I had turned into what my parents wants me to be rather than what I wanted to be until thoughts of suicide entered my mind.. Thank God, I am way past 'suicidal thoughts' these days. In part, those thoughts left me because I am no longer pretending to myself. Yes, I am still pretending with people who know me but not with myself.  I am very real with myself and if you read and follow this blog at all, you will find me being very real with you.

I am not the quiet, altogether person most people know me to be. I am a energetic, crazed, fun loving lunatic of a person. I am a person who is content to be me and have made up my mind to live the rest of my life alone rather than spend one more minute of  my time trying to get people to like or approve of me. Screw them and the horse they rode in on... These days I am only interested in ATTRACTING people like me, real people who hate to pretend as much as I do..

I gotta tell you 'pretending ' hurts because you have to put a lot of energy into pretending rather than feeling  comfortable enough to relax and be yourself...

(More later.....)